A Journey Through Grief: The Healing Process One Brunch at a Time
On a Wednesday morning after taking my brother to school my phone chirped. A message came from the number with a rose emoji. It was my mom asking if I was showered for the day. I replied ‘no’ but was ready for her suggestion that would follow. I had taken the day off and knew when my mom, Caryn, had a great idea to go with it and ask questions later. Whether you are showered or not it was going to be fun and filled with laughs.She needed to visit her Ann Arbor office for materials and wanted a partner to help. I zoomed home to pick her up. We both loved a road trip even if it was a short 45min one from our Detroit home.
On our drive we of course enjoyed a good ole sing-along of “This will be (An Everlasting Love)” by Natalie Cole. One of our favorite songs to roll into the office for a quick pamphlet pick-up. After retrieving the conference materials both of us were ‘starvin marvin’ as mom would say. We both agreed it was the perfect time for eggs and a mimosa. Heading to a bistro nearby and we were ready to indulge.
I could not tell you all the details of the conversation. However, I can say I’m grateful for the day off and for saying yes to jumping in the car and spending time with my mom.
We didn’t know it, but this would be our last meal together. It would be our last mother daughter time. A special and perfect way for us to connect and share in a memory. I hold this time dear because the weeks following were filled with disbelief.
The week after, my mom suddenly got ill and she was rushed to the hospital. She was diagnosed with a serious case of pneumonia. I was stunned to see how she slipped out of our arms so fast. It was as if I blinked and she was gone. The memories were the only thing I had to hold. Thank goodness for the spontaneous brunch visits and road trips. As I tip-toed in the weeks after trying to confront my grief, mom left bread crumbs for me through friends and family.
Two weeks after her untimely death I got a text message from my cousins. They were heading to my favorite restaurant 5 mins away from my house. I reluctantly drove to the location. I rolled up and we all exhaled in loving hugs and ready for a mimosa. We talked about travel, meditation, and mindfulness and it was the best thing for me. It was the jumpstart to my healing process and just the support I needed. It wasn’t too long after I sat with two college friends in Chicago. We enjoyed a buffet brunch (pre-pandemic) and bottomless mimosas on a warm June day. We dressed up and let Saturday take us on an adventure. Among the catch-up stories we also got to sing karaoke style in the restaurant. It was the imparative following step of my healing though human connection. Of course, I have gone through cycles of feelings and emotions. These times helped me feel love and support to move in my grief process.
Now, two years later, brunch times with my family have saved my mind and been my love language. In my journey through my grief, I have since traveled to meet and connect with friends from Massachusetts to Colorado and in every visit there has been a brunch planned. Typically, the conversation is not if we will brunch but where. My community of loved ones knows how best to connect and open my mind. Through experience, the exact event that I hold on to with the time with my mom. I have been able to talk about my grief and become more open to support. In a time where I could have closed off, and separated myself. Showing up physically for these meals helped me to show up for myself.
Most recently, I enjoyed a solo brunch. Yes, you can have brunch on your own. It's not required to have a table mate or mates. This time I tried a new meal and also had a Mango Mimosa for the very first time. Sure, I got a few looks and I imagine many thought, “ how sad she is eating alone. '' I wasn’t alone, I felt my mom's spirit with me.
She taught me how to move forward in love. She also gave me the confidence to embark on unique adventures no matter how ordinary or extraordinary. This year to commemorate her on the day she returned to heaven I will enjoy a brunch with her. Carving the time to honor my grief and enjoy the memories we shared. I have come to realize there is no end to my process. Slowly things get better for me. I have been able to move through grief with love and support one brunch at a time.
Jaslyn Ivey is a local Detroit entrepreneur with a passion for self-development and all things brunch.
Follow Jas on Instagram @_bossupjas & her brunch page @brunchblissdet
